One Piece: Adventure of the Great Pirate Diva
by Mistress Fire-Hazard
Summary: Though the Great Pirate Diva Helga Hearts has been dead for ten years, her legend lives on and her treasures are still coveted. Trouble and adventure arrive for the Straw Hat pirates in the form of the pirate diva’s niece, Loving Suzanne.


(Disclaimer-Eiichiro Oda owns One Piece and I don't. And I like it that way. I have so much to aspire to.)  
  
"One Piece-Adventure of the Great Pirate Diva" by Mistress Fire-Hazard  
  
"C'mon fishiiiiiiiies! I wanna eeeeeeaaat!" Luffy moaned as he jerked on his fishing rod. He had been fishing for only a few seconds and already his patience was at an end.  
  
"If you get something, Luffy, remember to give it to Sanji so he can make something for all of us. Okay?" Nami called out from behind her newspaper, languidly waving her arm in his direction in a halfhearted attempt to get his attention.  
  
"Oi! Chopper. You got anything yet?" Luffy called over to their fuzzy crew mate.  
  
Chopper sadly shook his head and hung it in shame. "Nooo. Nothing. I don't think there are any fish left. Maybe they don't like us anymore and left.  
  
Suddenly, the ship jerked and began to lean slightly port. Chopper scrambled off his seat on the railing, nervously clinging to it. "Waaaaah!!! I'm sorry fishies! Please don't hurt me! I didn't mean it!  
  
Even Nami was disturbed when her lemonade spilled onto the deck. "Luffy! What are you doing?! You killed my drink!  
  
But Luffy had his rubbery legs wrapped around the railing and had stretched his body over the edge so that he could paddle at the water with a spare plank and head the ship even further toward the left. "There's a fish over there!!! I need MEAT!!!!" Luffy growled out.  
  
"What is that idiot doing now?" Zoro rumbled lowly as he poked his head out of the galley.  
  
And as more crew mates were roused from their individual activities, Luffy got closer to his target. Finally Luffy let out a cry of triumph and lifted his catch for all to see.  
  
"Yeah!!! It's chow time! There's enough of this weird lookin fish for me!  
  
But before Luffy could chomp, Sanji's hand grabbed the back of Luffy's shirt to stop him.  
  
"Luffy," Sanji growled. "I know you want meat, but I draw the line at the delicate flesh of the young lady!!  
  
And indeed on the end of Luffy's reel, hooked at the back of her shirt, was an unconscious girl with short, brown curled pigtails. Chopper came over at once with his first aid kit.  
  
"Hey I caught it! I get to eat it, whatever it is!" Luffy stubbornly argued.  
  
"You supreme idiot!! It's a girl! You can't eat her! Period!!" Sanji yelled, trying to shake some sense into his captain.  
  
"Is she alive, Chopper?" Nami asked as she leaned over the girl.  
  
In response, the girl suddenly began to cough up water and her eyes fluttered open. "Ugh. Wha-?  
  
No sooner did she awaken than her senses were barraged with a horde of information from what seemed to be innumerable sources.  
  
"Are you okay? Were you shipwrecked? Are you hurt anywhere? I'm a doctor so just tell me if you're injured," cried out a squeaky little voice to her left.  
  
"You're safe now. So just try to relax, okay?" asked a kindly girl's voice to her right.  
  
"Welcome aboard the Going Merry Go!! I'm the brave and heroic Captain Usopp! You've probably heard of me, but no autographs, please," stated a goofy and confident voice and nose, somewhere above her.  
  
And the last thing that caught her attention. Huge, sharp teeth. Chomping mere inches away from her face. "Grrrrrrr!!! MEAT!!! MUST! EAT!," came the growling voice from behind that steel trap.  
  
"Nnn!" the girl squeeked out, shielding her face from the horrific scene.  
  
"Luffy!!" someone yelled and a black shoe flattened the steel trap into the wooden deck. The shoe was soon replaced with a meat shank that donked lightly onto a straw hat. "I was saving this for Nami-san's meat pie, but I think you should have it." At once, flailing limbs grabbed the meat shank and lustily chomped away.   
  
A blonde head kneeled in front of the girl and took her hand in both of his. "It is a sacrifice that a noble prince must sometimes make to save the life of a lovely damsel such as yourself." Then the blonde head looked up and gave the girl a lecherous grin. "Prince Sanji only wants to serve you in any way he can. And I DO mean ANY way-  
  
Nearby a gruff voice sniffed, "Keh. Prince Moron is spoutin' his dumb ass shit again-  
  
But the gruff voice was drawn into a cloud of fighting limbs and sputtered curses. "And what would a stupid sword boy know about chivalry?!" "At least I don't drop my pants every time a girl walks by!" "SAY THAT AGAIN!! I dare you!!  
  
The pigtailed girl shivered a bit and recoiled against the railing. "W-w-who ARE you people?" she trembled, afraid of her question being answered.  
  
---  
  
The girl bowed her head to the deck. "Thank you so much for helping me. I owe you a great debt.  
  
After the initial shock had worn off, the girl calmed down and learned from these strange people just how she came to be on their ship. When she realized that they meant her no harm, she was quick to show her gratitude.  
  
"I wish I could pay you, but I left all of my money and valuables in my boat. I was trying to find some fresh water when you must have found me. If you'll take me back to my boat, I'm sure I can give you my proper thanks and some compensation if I have inconvenienced you.  
  
"What are you talkin about?" Luffy asked, scratching his head in a manner that embodied his first name. "Is cornsensation some kinda meat or cracker?  
  
"Ah, that reminds me of the time I discovered a new kind of meat on one of my travels," Usopp began to weave another tale as his eyes sparkled in pride.  
  
"REALLY?!! That's so cool, Usopp!" Both Chopper and Luffy marveled at the same time.  
  
"What'd it taste like?" Chopper asked.  
  
"Do you still have some?!" Luffy's mouth watered in anticipation.  
  
"At first I couldn't even tell that it was meat at all. I was on Backwards Island. At first it looked like an ordinary island, but when I looked at the ground, it looked like the sky and the sky above me was like a green field!" Usopp regaled his captivated audience.  
  
"Don't mind them, Miss-" Nami let the statement hang.  
  
"Oh! Suzanne. Loving Suzanne. But you can just call me Suzanne," the girl smiled, bowing her head in modesty.  
  
"When I brought down the giant tiger with my bare hands, I cut inside and found out it was a big daikon tiger! I was so surprised!" Usopp continued, spreading his arms wide.   
  
"Ahh! You're so brave, Usopp-san!" Chopper squeeled with excitement.  
  
"Nami-san! Suzanne-chan! I made you fresh chocolate brownies and iced coffees!" Sanji sang as he made a high leap across the deck and laid out a table for two, complete with cushioned chairs.  
  
Nami elegantly took her seat, ignoring Sanji's fawning completely. Suzanne was less experienced.  
  
"Thank you very much, Sanji-san," she blushed politely. "How sweet of you.  
  
Sanji gently took Suzanne's hand. "If you require anything else, Suzanne-chan, do not hesitate for a moment to ask. Come hell or high monsters, I shall do my best to ensure your happiness.  
  
Suzanne sweated nervously, trying to pull her hand from Sanji's. "O-okay Sanji-san. Y-you don't have to go that far. I'll be okay really.  
  
"Then I realized that the stalks of corn behind me were alive too! They tried to strangle me with their stalks while the tigers circled around me, waiting to pounce! but I just calmly reached into my pocket and pulled out my 'Usopp Special Stunning Star'!! It took effect at once and they fell on top of each other, just like giant dominoes, spelling out the word, BANG!!" Usopp finished with extra flourish, practically screaming the last word. Chopper fell over in shock and Luffy cheered to hear more.  
  
"I hope I have enough to repay you for your kindness," Suzanne smiled at Nami.  
  
Nami beadily eyed one of Suzanne's hands. "I can take my payment now. That ring of yours must be worth something.  
  
But Suzanne clutched her hand to her chest and shook her head. "Oh no! I'm sorry, but I can't give this to anyone. I need it to get back to my Academy.  
  
Nami raised her eyebrow. "What academy is that?  
  
"I was so hungry that I bit into one of the huge ears of corn. But it was so chewy and juicy! I looked down and realized that it wasn't corn at all-- it was fresh meat, the color of the sky below me!" Usopp continued.  
  
"Blue meat?! Awesome!!" Luffy spouted, a waterfall of saliva rushing from the corners of his mouth.  
  
Suzanne put out her hand to let Nami see the ring. "I'm attending Master Metronome's Music Academy. I have one more year of study before I graduate," she stated proudly.  
  
Nami took a closer look at the ring and her eyes widened. "You actually attend such an elite music school?!  
  
"Wow Nami-san! I didn't know you knew about elite academies! You're so knowledgeable, Nami-san!" Sanji exclaimed, blowing heart-shaped smoke rings.  
  
"And fuzzy little gnomes came out of the trees and thanked me for killing the tigers and stalks. But I had to leave for my next adventure and had no room in my boat for their reward of gold. So I told them I didn't need the reward and instead carved the meat and daikon up for them. And they used the pelts of the tigers to make me a fine house to stay in whenever I came back to visit," Usopp sighed a little regretfully.  
  
"Usopp-san! You're so kind and generous!" Chopper almost cried in pure admiration.  
  
"Of course! Metronome's is the only music school in the world that floats on the sea. Only the richest and most talented students of music can attend." Nami explained. "Don't worry, all I ask is that you pay a small transportation fee of 50,000 berris.  
  
"Um, well, I..." Suzanne fidgeted nervously.  
  
"C'mon! If you can attend Metronome's, then you can certainly pay my fee," Nami crooned sweetly, the sweet tone not reaching her eyes.  
  
"Well, I would pay you, but I just don't have that kind of money. You see I'm attending on a prepaid tuition. I actually don't have any money for myself," Suzanne sweated nervously.  
  
Nami's head collapsed on her arms in utter disappointment. "We rescued another pauper. The gods must be mocking me," Nami muttered darkly under her breath.  
  
"It was the last wish of my aunt that I attend the Academy that she graduated from. And I can't let down my dear aunt Helga Hearts," Suzanne explained.  
  
"C'mon! What did the meat taste like Usopp?" Luffy asked with bated breath.  
  
Usopp sighed, "My friends. It tasted like nothing I've ever had before or will again! It tasted like the sky and the sea! Like dreams and honeyed wine! It tasted like all of the adventures you could ever hope for!" Usopp's eyes sparkled and his fists clenched up with pride. Beside him, Chopper and Luffy were crying with absolute joy.  
  
As if from nowhere, another crew mate appeared beside Suzanne. The tall, dark haired woman leaned down to ask politely with a half-smile, "Did you say your aunt was Helga Hearts?  
  
"Y-yes! You know about my aunt?" Suzanne asked in a surprised voice.  
  
"Oh yes," Nico Robin replied. "I've heard of the 'Great Pirate Diva' Helga Hearts. She was said to be the best singer and musician the world has ever known. She was also said to be one of Gold Roger's crew mates.  
  
End Chapter One-  
  
(Author's Note: Thanks for reading everyone who did! I don't know how many people will read this, but I'm hoping it'll get around. So please read and review. Tell me if you liked it, hated it, whatever you thought of it. I'm on a One Piece binge right now, so I gotta get back to writing before the spirit wanes. See ya! -!) 


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